Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize