If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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