Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
