I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
