Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
