Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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