If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
