I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
