the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
