I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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