I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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