I think I am morally bankrupt
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
