party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
