So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
