Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
