i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
