uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
