Where are you?
In a non slutty way
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
