News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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