She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
