Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize