I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
