i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I smell stomach acid.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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