What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
