I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So much Jack, so little girl.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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