i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
