you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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