She went from zero to smokin in five shots
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize