doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Randomize
