Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
