So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
