There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
