well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
