we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
