Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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