A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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