The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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