I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
