You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
