i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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