so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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