I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I queefed so loud it echoed.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
