Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
