Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
