id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
