just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
