i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I know her cup size but not her name....
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