But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
