but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
