he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i out mim tonsoeep
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
