the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
