just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
