Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
