PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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