Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
