I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
