Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
