Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We are two peas in an std pod
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
