did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
