Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
