Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
