My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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