Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
