i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
