He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
