May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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