plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
