don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
