I wanna passion pit in your ass
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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