Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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