there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
